


i can't forgive you-

by anonymous_sinner



Category: Given (Anime), Given (Manga)
Genre: (Only For Mafuyu), Alive Yoshida Yuuki, Depression, Episode 9, Fake Character Death, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Implied drinking, M/M, One Shot, Past Relationship(s), Singing, Suicide Attempt, short & sad, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-08
Updated: 2020-12-08
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:07:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27952052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anonymous_sinner/pseuds/anonymous_sinner
Summary: Yuuki Yoshida never died. Sure, he meant to, and everyone besides his mother thought he had, but here he was: standing at his ex-boyfriend's concert, wondering how he had hurt the one he loved so badly.____also known as: the vent fic i desperately needed for comfort i'll never get.
Relationships: Past Satou Mafuyu/Yoshida Yuuki, Satou Mafuyu/Uenoyama Ritsuka
Comments: 6
Kudos: 90





	i can't forgive you-

**Author's Note:**

> Ah yes, short and bitter, just like me.

It had never been the intention of Yuuki Yoshida to hurt someone like this. His attempt last winter, the one that landed him in a hospital, his mother faking his death, and moving to a new town because  _ taboos are just like that sometimes. _ But no, this isn’t about him right now. This was about his beautiful, wonderful ex-boyfriend.

The orange haired angel who Yuuki had once held in his own hands like a diamond. The boy who felt like drinking water after walking through the desert. The boy who was standing on a stage, surrounded by three other men, men Yuuki did not know. 

This was never a story about Yuuki. Never a story about his selfishness, his jealousness, and his utter love for the boy.

This was a story about Satou Mafuyu. The story about a teenager, who repressed his emotions to the extent where he became apathetic. It wasn’t hard to see. The ghosts of past laughs, or big smiles, of  _ hope  _ had long since been snuffed out. A boy who found love through music. And used his rhythm like the words he never knew how to say.

Yuuki gaped as he saw Mafuyu walk up to the mic. A  red Gibson ES-330 strapped across his chest. The guitar that had once belonged to his beloved. The music started, hard hitting drums and guitar riffs. But the star of the show wasn’t the skillfully played instruments-

_**“Just like the snow in the shade that hasn't completely** _ _**melted…”** _

It was about  _ him.  _ Yuuki would be foolish to think otherwise. He had known about his lover’s angelic voice, hell, he had always planned for Mafuyu to become their bands’ vocalist.  _ The band who stood in the same crowd as him, tens of feet apart, and yet none the wiser. _

**_“_ ** **_Your everything has lost its tomorrow and now is wandering around eternally along with me who was unable to say goodbye or move on…”_ **

The song was obvious. And it hurt,  _ oh god did it hurt.  _ He had hurt the one he loved. His own feelings had clouded his judgement, he’s been over this with his counselor hundreds of times. But he never truly knew  _ (yes you did)  _ how much he had hurt his baby.

His angel, the one with hair orange like the sunset. With smiles as bright as the sun. The one who used to cry rivers during romance movies. That- that was all gone. Tear ducts as dry as the Sahara and a mental wall higher than the one in China. There was no metaphor that could describe what Yuuki felt, none other than  _ crushing regret.  _

**_“Just like a spell that still won't break, or some kind of curse. I'm still holding on to some heavy baggage…”_ **

No. No please, I love you. Please. I’m sorry I wasn’t good enough. I know you’ll never choose me, _ I’m so fucking sorry _

Clear as day. Yuuki knew what he had to do. He needed to stop running. He needed to be real with himself, for the sake of his beloved. He knew that look, the one of someone so close to the edge of the end that a breeze could close the chapter for good.  _ How does he get near the backstage-  _

**_“Even if your everything loses its shape one day, you'll always be here within me. As I try to move forward again, even though I can't say goodbye... you'll always be here with me._ ** **_”_ **

No. No. No. No. No. No. ( _ I’m still here, don’t worry honey- _ ) Yuuki ran backstage as the song ended. He noticed Mafuyu leaving the stage with the blue haired one. It would be perfect to-

“Thank you.” He was crying. Orange eyes watered, and Yuuki watched as the once he loved, and the once who once loved him, was swept into a kiss.

_ Please. Do what I couldn’t. Take care of him. I couldn't forgive myself if he was gone, I'd have to follow him if he left for good. _

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be a rant fic about my physical inability to cry or express my emotions due to past defense mechanisms that may be permanently etched into my inner workings- BUT it became one about unrequited love.
> 
> Best thing about that is- I'm dealing with both! So it's like killing me twice, but not with one stone, more like a fucking AK-47. 
> 
> Anyways, thanks to Genius for the English translation for Fuyunohanashi, you can find it here: https://genius.com/Genius-english-translations-given-fuyunohanashi-english-translation-lyrics


End file.
